The Horror on the Ebon Stair
by Zack Parsons

#45

Race of immortal Pharaohs dwelling beneath pyramids in vast subterranean halls down black staircases.





Excerpt
My story, yes? Put it down in your queer device. Record it for the ages. Perhaps it can entertain a burping child or a thick-bodied dullard. I want nothing more than to provide them with a laugh after a long day of dragging their slug body through the benighted streets, gulping lardy sweets and exhaling gusts of black smoke to choke the sky.

No, sit. I command it so.

The sweep of my existence is but prologue for this final, dismal chapter. Such things had I known in my youth as I know now to be true I would have surely launched myself from the great tower of Ka Menset and ruptured my body like a dropped custard on the chthonic basalt of the triangle below. Perhaps, then, I might have avoided this entire frightful episode.

Where do I begin?

About the Author

Zack Parsons claims to be a humorist from Chicago and has been writing for SomethingAwful.com since 2001. He is the author of two books for new mothers on water births and breast feeding, titled My Tank is Fight! and Your Next-Door Neighbor is a Dragon. He has also contributed to National Lampoon and regularly writes for the Huffington Post under the pseudonym Arianna Huffington.